The Standard

As anyone who lives within a 100 mile radius of Los Angeles hopefully knows by now, 11 miles of the 405 Freeway, the major North/South thoroughfare through West LA, will be closed down completely starting tomorrow night through Monday morning.  The 405 generally gets over 500,000 cars a day and, frankly speaking, this closure is going to make LA traffic this weekend a complete shitshow. Of course, it wouldn’t be a disaster without a clever nickname, ladies and gentleman we give you: Car-Mageddon. 

(Warning of the impending car-mageddon)

We at The Standard, sensitive to the plight of our West Coast brethren, have come up with a list of the top 10 things you can do to avoid the impending traffic jam:

1.    Check out this playlist, courtesy of LA Weekly, of songs that directly shout out the 405 freeway

2.    Hang out at home, plop down in front of the TV, and finally get that DVR to under 20% full

3.    Try out the Metro – it’s so clean and punctual!

4.    Skip over city entirely and take JetBlue up on their offer of $4 flights between Burbank and Long Beach

5.    Find your G spot – for reals this time

6.    Explore your neighborhood on foot. Yes, we mean walk.

7.    Impress your friends by mastering all the dance steps to Thriller

8.    Set up a lemonade stand on the sidewalk – you’ll meet your neighbors and make some extra cash, too

9.    Learn how to make your own pretzels - sure, it takes all day but the end results are so delicious!

And the best suggestion of them all:

10.    Get yourself a room at either The Standard, Hollywood or The Standard, Downtown, park your buns poolside, and let everyone else waste their time worrying about the traffic.

People Under The Stairs (P.U.T.S.) “The L.A. Song”
“A lot of cats are implants/Claimin’ our labels something to say and something to prove and/At the shows with the flows and they think the crowds groovin’/Its like the 405 at 5:30 nobody’s movin”