The Standard

Ever since the day I met you so many years ago, you’ve been emailing me with your problems, your needs, your wants—your every Stan D’esire.

So this week when I gave you my top 7 Fashion Week Musts, I told you I was kicking off a new column called ASK STAN, a real-time forum for real-time problems, written by a real-time man (me.)

Ladies and Stan D’entlemen, I present to you…

Our first question comes from Shawn in Murray Hill, New York City.

How do I get Billy Farelly to take my picture? I’m super hot but he never notices me. Is he gay??

Oh, Shawn, your question is one for the ages and comes highly loaded with the potential to ramble on all day.

First off, if you may allow me to correct you, his name is Billy Farrell, and he is not one-half of the Farrelly Brothers directing duo of ’90s gross-out comedy fame. (He is also a dear friend and former protégé of mine, which is why I chose your question.)

Furthermore, while Billy’s sexuality has always been dubious, he has typically leaned towards the straight and narrow. But that’s neither here nor there. To answer your central query: If you want to catch his eye, you’ve got to play it cool.

Whether you’re hot or not is immaterial. You need to pretend you don’t care if he snaps you or not, and that you don’t even notice he’s in the room. Try slowly puffing on your cigarette while elegantly sipping your martini. When you spot him approaching out of the corner of your eye, try turning your back. Billy hates to be ignored.

When he finally does ask you to get together with your friends for a quick pic, look at him quizzically and ask him who he shoots for. This will drive him into a state of existential terror, resulting in a barrage of camera flashes and multiple shots of you on his site the next morning. After a few weeks of this, you’ll be posing for solos in no time. Good luck, and I’ll be looking out for you on BFA!

Ask Stan will will run through Fashion Week and every Tuesday thereafter. Please submit your questions to Stan@StandardHotel.com.

xoxo
Stan